Todays rant and revelation: People intimidate me.
They always have. Especially when I was little. I remember being six, and sitting on someone's lap hearing my mom ask, "So you and Danielle talking??" and they would laugh and say, "Oh you know, the usual. Ask a question, and she answers with a word or two."
But seriously, how many times do you have to ask me the flavor of my thumb? I seriously remember being six with my thumb in my mouth, staring up at some large lady laughing and saying "WHATS THE FLAVOR? CHOCOLATE? STRAWBERRY? VANILLA?" and I just say chocolate hoping they will stop laughing at me, and wondering why an adult is asking me the flavor of my thumb. {2}
I also remember church as an awkward teenager. I went to a huge church,I went to one of those "cool" youth groups. I did not have a group of friends at church, and I was horrible at making friends in large groups, so I had a routine.
Stand there, and look like your not awkward.
This requires a slight smile on your face and relaxed body posture.
Next, move a little.
Like don't stand there by the pool tables for too long, or sit by yourself in a row of chairs for too long either.
Go to the bathroom, or pretend you really need to buy a pack of gum with money you dont have {3}
Best plan however, is just to volunteer in the nursery once and a while so you can skip the whole "cool youth group" scene all together and keep crying one year olds from... well crying. They loved my talking puppets, and teachers loved my ability to keep the clingy ones off of them and onto me. I think I just understood how they felt, is all. I'd probably be the same way.
Over time however, I learned that when someone does take pity on you, and start talking, hold eye contact. Otherwise you just seem shifty. It was not until I was 16 did I learn how to talk to boys without making a fool out of myself {4}. And my friend Amber can testify to this. I guess the simple act of saying hi to a cute boy was enough to send me to the bathroom.
I got a job though. I learned that managers love hiring me, and the few people who manage to become unintimidating learn how to put up with me and all of my quirks, and I get the honor to put up with theirs. Good times :)
No worries though, after 22 years of being me I have learned how to act as if I am not intimidated by everyone I do not know. I mean, I am a waitress, my job is completely based on the mere fact that people aren't creeped out or annoyed with my presence at their meals. I would hope I figured something out by now. :)
In reality however, if we actually lived a life in which our rock was firmly {5}grounded in our faith, that trusted our instincts, believed that we DO have a say in things and its not all up to everyone else around us when it comes to decision making...
....it would be rather intimidating. I'd probably be intimidating. However thats not really a goal of mine...
I'd much rather be the one that the scared ones could come to and somehow realize that everything will be alright. If it takes a couple puppets singing or answering silly questions like if my thumb taste like chocolate or not, I'll do it.
{1} Of course this is sarcasm. and my first foot note ever !
{2} Its really not that I have a bad sense of humor, I promise. I just thought this was a really silly question. We all know my thumb sucking habit was not because my thumb taste great, but because my blanky smelled awesome. That is until my mom threw it away... but that another blog another time.
{3} ....and yes. My old church had/has a gift shop.
{4} well lets be honest, I STILL make a fool of myself. I just now manage it in such a way that its not as painful.
{5} I emphasis firmly, because while I AM rooted in my faith, I feel as if I could do a way better job in living it out. God is the most important thing in my life, but I feel as if I bend like reed in the wind at times. Part of the gig that comes with being human, I'm told.
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