My life is my message. -Mohandas Gandhi

I at times, watch shows online. In fact, I have this new habit of watching most shows online. I believe I enjoy the control, of where, when and how.

But I noticed, that whenever I watch a show, and the suspension and drama becomes too much, I pause it. Every time. I pause it.

And the time I spend during this paused moment varies... sometimes I choose that time to get a drink, eat something unhealthy, or just freak out in my own way (that too varies. ha.)

However every time, when I am ready, I always end up in front of the screen again. I sit there preparing myself to handle the drama, and click un-pause. Silly? yes. True? very.

Now this is where something cliche like, "I wish life had a pause button" is expected. but... no.

Because... I am in pause. I feel as if everything has built up, sometimes slowly, sometimes rapidly, to this dramatic climax. The build up was so up and down and gradual, the climax seemingly came out of nowhere. And just before I could truly feel everything and get hit with what's unraveling, I slammed pause.

And what I do in this pause varies. Sometimes I go to school, other times I go to work. I eat, a lot. I try to function as if that pause button was never pushed. Act as if it doesn't matter to find out what happens next... pretending I already know and just live with a freak out (in my own way) now and then.

I'm just not ready. I know this drama is 90% self created... but I'm just not ready. Is that so wrong? And how in the hell do you get ready?

... and after my dad died... did I ever click un-pause?

Or is this just how Dani does what she does... seemingly oh-so-well?

No need to answer those questions. I must go now, and do my various things.

uh.... yeah...

Who gets dumped by their boyfriend... on their boyfriend's birthday?

I guess enough was enough. *sigh* here we go...

The ability to delude yourself may be an important survival tool. ~ Jane Wagner

Most of my life, I pitied those who had allergies. The kind of pity that goes, "Wow that looks really annoying to deal with." followed up by the, "I am glad I don't have allergies."

Just kidding

Turns out you can develop allergies later in life. I suppose now is the later, for I now fully understand the runny nose and itchy eyes. However my attitude still follows, just reversed. "Wow its really annoying to deal with", followed with "I am mad that I have allergies."

However, interesting/boring tidbit: in Mexico, I have a summer allergy that makes me cough non-stop. Thats cool! :-s

Weather is GORGEOUS right now. It is so hard to go to school when it feels like summer outside.

hmm... wish I was interesting tonight. Oh well darlings. Good night everyone! And do not worry about me too much, I hear allergies is far from dramatic. ;) (Though the highlight of my thoughts apparently...)