Pieces of Mom

I sat there during class, writing with a pen that I have watched my own mother write with so many times.

Papermate has this standard pen that I swear has not changed in the past 20 years...

All of those homeschool days...

Scribble down school planners

Write down notes from a phone conversation

Make those absent-minded big fluffy stars she always made in paper when talking on the phone for a while

Fill in the calendar with meetings, play-dates, and meal plans...

My hand... will become my mother's hand (though maybe with slightly longer finger nails)

Will I become my mother? Is that something that happens to all daughters, inevitably?

How much of my mother, will always be with me?

In many ways I never like to wonder about this, because I want to feel like I am my own person.

I am DANI FAITH

not Mary.

But... if I have parts of my mother in me, and they are not bad parts, then I should carry them with pride.

For this way, I will always carry a piece of home with me, everywhere.

This little piece of home I have, I can give away to others.

Someday I will be mom. (not anytime too soon. noooot quite ready for that. No intense baby bug :)

Maybe, I am mom
so I can be mom
to those who need mom.

Tired of Motions

Speaking into this blog feels like I am whispering into the ears of my past. There is so much of me in this blog. It feel's a little eerie.

Course, my husband says I tend to make more sense when I write. Every-time I hear that, I get this image of some dramatic fight in our tiny little apartment, where I am getting upset because I do not feel like I am understood,

generally because verbally processing an argument spontaniously on the spot... 

generally does not lead to concise statements...

... thus I am resorted to frantically typing out everything I want to say. 

But I know Dani.

I might sit there and type, but I will stop to say whatever it is that I think I need to say... or throw out 10 questions... rhetorical... or not.

Anyway...

I'm tired of motions. 

I am rather sick of feeling like I spent a day, not really feeling anything deeply. Being some robot who is acting out pre-programmed actions. I keep telling myself "this is just for now. Until I get done with this semester" 

I'll feel... again over christmas break.

"It is just this crazy month"

Next month will be... better.

"I just over booked this week"

Because next week will be... slower.

"I'm just tired today"

So I will go to sleep... on time? What's that!?

Thus, my conclusion: It doesn't get flippen better. 

That thing, whatever is, if you ever get it, it will then just become normal, and then you will look for something else. It doesn't really end.

I feel like I need to summarize this into some awesome conclusion that will bring everything into awesome perspective, and everyone can take this little golden nugget into their lives and plant it into their hearts and watch a whole new life blossom before their eyes and have me to thank for this ridiculously long run-on-sentence...

So here, I'll try for you.

Stop. Just. Stop. Think about what is going on, what are you doing? 

The other day, during the church plant meeting, the question was asked: what were your God sighting's this past week?

 I frantically sat there in my chair trying to see if anything stuck out, and since nothing was sticking out, try to see if I can dig one out... and realized I had nothing.

Nothing? Really? I went 7 days not seeing God anywhere in my days? What am I doing?! 

School (reading 3 books a week is fun until after 12 weeks), keeping the house clean (never ending war), trying to be an awesome cook (smoke dectors went off with that one...), and whatever else I am signed up for that day.

So I suppose, this is my nugget: slow down and get over yourself enough to see God in this world. Because I feel like I am missing the boat in this one.