Art is the daughter of freedom- schiller

There is an art to being patient with someone who is sick. I wish I could say I am one of those nurturing people who do everything they can to make life all that much easier when your body is attacking you. I wouldn't say I am heartless however, I would help. But my version of helping normally entails consistent updates of how you are doing then "what can I do for you?"

Probably due to the fact I don't get sick very often. (as of now. I realize the bad luck that seems to come when you claim your very healthy) At church they were talking about how when you experience hurt, you have a natural compassion towards others in that way. I heard this at the same time Alan was traveling to the hospital to get his swelled up jaw-infection checked out.

However. That is no excuse to not have compassion. I was lost, and now I'm found. I was nothing, and I was saved. I was undeserving, but I received. God gave his everything for someone who would fail every day in old and new ways. I have hurt, and I still hurt, but I live in God's daily grace. Just for those very reasons alone, compassion should flow from me non-stop. IF! I am living in these truths.

So maybe someday, I'll be those compassionate-caring-oh-your-sick-you-poor-baby-you girls. But heck, its a process ok? I mean... I made him jello. That was nice of me.

Reality leaves a lot to the imagination.- Lennon

Today was one of those days, that inspire you to sleep more. I was not awake enough for my English class's discussion on Harry Potter, but distant enough to be amazed on how passionate people are about Harry Potter. ((Debating, should I read the books? ))

I chose today to mentally go to sleep during Spanish, however today chose ME to be randomly called upon. "eh... no comprendo lo siento..." Yes. When all I really had to say was "Yo duda que ti padres hayan un milliones dolares."

OK, On a bunny trail for second. So apparently someone who speaks Spanish has a telephone number a LOT like mine. Because it has happened often enough that my phone rings, I answer, and its this fluent Spanish speaking individual. So I reply the most logical manner I know how, "Lo siento, no hablo espanol." and since I cant think fast enough on how to say they called the wrong number... thats all I say. I tell them in Spanish that I can not speak Spanish. Cool story huh?

Then I was almost late for work because I was too busy eating ice cream from the box and popping my cold sore, then trying to cover up my cold sore only to realize the lipstick I bought for this VERY purpose looked silly. I wish make up had a trial period sometimes...

But you know, all of this would have been fine if I just had more sleep. I think a lot of things would be fine if we all had more sleep. Sleep=Sanity

Time is what we want most, but what we use worst. - William Pen

So I am on the brink of decision making. As of the moment I live by myself in a cute little one bedroom-upper apartment, where I can go and do as I please whenever it pleases me. But lately I have been daydreaming a lot more, and deeply began considering the option of studying abroad. (which is not that simple, because I'd want to do it for a foreign language, however I am not sure if I want to minor in Spanish... yes... lazy reasons...)However, IF this is something I want to do ((of which I have a mom and big sister really encouraging me to)) it would be a good idea to move back home.

But I have been on the fence on this for over a week now. This is largely due to my current relationship and the constraints this will put on it, which can drive me crazy if I am constantly basing this decision on that. I desperately want everyone's opinion however, and the only one I received from Alan is, "Whatever makes you happy"

Which then pushed me into this long winded rant, about how life has only proven to me that what you think will make you happy doesn't, and what you think wont bring joy does. So this pursuit of happiness is null and void and I should just pursue what is BEST for me and NOT what will make my HAPPY because my monumental happiness is based on selfish desires. However my problem solving mind can try to over ride my selfish desires to its best ability and try to make the right choice. Or, pray for divine intervention - for sometimes thats the only salvation we will ever have.

((and just so we all know, talking like this is not a good idea when the recipient is tired. yeah...))

Needless to say. I do not know if I want to do this, but I feel like I should...

....I should move back home. :(

Oh I miss you Yubi...

It is again WAY to late for me to be up if I am going to do anything that resembles productivity tomorrow. Oh heck.

I enjoyed work tonight, and that is saying a lot. I think I am slowly becoming friends with Katie- which I really need. I just need more friends in general. Her baby girly might need a helmet because her head is lopsided, of which Katie was not ecstatic about. I tried to reassure her by pointing out that every baby I saw in a helmet look like any other chubby baby, just with a cool hat. Probably didn't help.

Today was missing Yubi day. I was practicing my Spanish in my apartment, and I realized after I was done that I was pretending to talk to Yubi. Now this isn't just "Hey Yubi, how are you?" it is inside jokes, things we would find funny... and the scary part? I was ACTUALLY having a GOOD time talking to my imaginary Yubi. Anyone watching me may wonder if I had a case of schizophrenia with the way I was doubling over with laughter.

Is this a sign of insanity? Or a sign that I am missing someone in my life?

My mother called about my sister-in-law's Birthday Party. At my mom's boyfriend's house. This Sunday night. *Sigh* I need that day to prepare school for that coming week.

Ok. I am officially feeling tired now. GOOD. It is about time.