Someone Broke my Mom.

I think my mom is broken.

I say this with care, for I am speaking of a woman who has lost a husband, so she knows sadness and brokeness... but this is the first time she's walked through this version of brokeness. And right when she thinks she's ok, another swing hits her. Hard.

Im not much of a hugger. In fact, I envy all you sweet things out there that jump at opportunities to wrap your loving arms around anyone in grief or conflict. I find hugs that I give out of duty, verses genuine desire (odd word choice?), are stiff and awkward. Thus, every day I think to myself, and say to God, "I don't think Im cut out for this job!!! This is requiring way more sympathy and soft edges then I have in supply!"

But today, sitting on her bed, watching my mom break and break and break into a puddle of lost sadness, I listened to the whole story. This including, details shes never shared before with anyone... and I realized... my mom knows. She knows I'm not the worlds biggest softy, and knows I'm not a very good hugger, but she trusts me anyway. Crazy.

Life sure is sobering sometimes, and I have so very much to learn.

But God has placed me in my mom's house at the age of 23 for a reason. Maybe it is so that my mom has a daughter who takes pleasure psychoanalyzing her situations all the while providing eloquent perspectives. Or maybe it is so her daughter can learn the art of shutting up and speaking up... appropriately. Or if we really want to day dream, maybe its so I can squeak out a few hugs.

Who we are at home, is who we truly are.

Doesn't this sentence ever reek of disappointment? Sometimes, my home, is a front row seat to Dani's Looney Town. (Or, Dani-Land, as it was called in the younger days)

Needless to say, I wish I was better at being a comforter.

I think I'm going to take lessons.

Ya know, like sign up and pay big bucks and read all the text books and write all the papers and wrap it all right up with a five page take home exam, pat myself on the back, check it off the list, and move forward.

Yea, because that works.

Extreme Couponing for Beginners!

Not trying to get all "behind the scenes of Dani's Blog" on you... but just yesterday I was proud that my parasite post had so many hits... apparently making a post titled "Is the world really ending tomorrow?" makes for a smashing hit on google the day before the "rapture"..... as in.... 133 more page reviews than parasites...

I suppose the end of the world is a little more concerning than parasites...

But now feel as if I should have created a better post... maybe with some creative dialogue between my brother and I... or some actual facts in the cookoo-bird who dubbed may 21st as the doomsday of this universe... or maybe even some pictures... or anything!

In good humor however, I decided I should play this game with google, and carefully pick my next subject title according to the current times... (by looking up google trends) and I am currently debating between "extreme couponing!" or "recent earthquakes" (I am assuming the concern over earthquakes is in consequence of the massive earthquake prediction for today...)

I never use coupons... I do not pick up Sunday papers as if they are a scavenger hunt for deals, nor do I subscribe to every store I enjoy and receive coupons strategically plopped right into my inbox. I am sure, some mathematician can explain to me in a logical manner on why I should use coupons, revealing all the pennies and dollars I would save in a year... and I wonder if this is a consequence of a soft life or lack of.... caring.

I don't mind paying full price...

But I do cut corners in other areas. For example, I only apply a full head of hair gail to my curly locks every 3 days. Also, my new trend is to only apply a full body of shower gel every few days. (Look it up, it is better for your skin. I do more of a spot cleaning... ya know... anyway...) I also feel as if I am saving water by not washing my jeans every time I wear them (though, this may be due to the fact they feel like tights right after the dryer) I also apply facial lotion to my foundation so it lasts longer!

....it suddenly hit me... that I live a very un-green life... and all my attempts to cut corners has everything to do with hygiene or cosmetics...

I think I'm going to go now and re-evaluate my entire existence.

and all this... deriving from extreme couponing... oh my.

"Is the world really ending tomorrow?"

I found this beyond funny.

We can check on the stats of our blogs, which is pretty crazy and cool (as well as addicting) I was just dinking around after my work out, where I was looking at the category "Search Keywords"

From what I gather, these are the keywords that were used in search engines, that brought someone to my blog. Here is one that I found:

"what do i take to get rid of parasites pills"

Bahaha! How disappointed that poor soul must have been when they found out I was actually talking about confessing your sins, not ridding your intestines of parasites... however that blog has the highest rating of page reviews as of yet... so maybe Im onto something here...

And how about this whole thing about Judgement Day tomorrow at precisely 6 pm? I've heard rumors about this, generally through work. But when my little brother came running in after school asking, "Is the world really ending tomorrow?" I began to really do my research... and I had to chuckle a bit.

It is rather odd however, to consult your little brother that it is unlikely this guy is correct, and that even if he is, it's still ok... apparently he still wants to live a little more, grow up, and experience life a bit before he's scooped away. Understandable. I am pretty sure if I was told I was going to die the next day at the age 14, I would be running to my friends crying about the wedding I would never have.... (wedding planning was a big deal in those days.)

Cokes with light ice and kids chocolate milks...

I am learning to pay attention to the deep sighs and heavy hearts.

I see them now as warnings.

Idealistically, I'd love to be able to just pause and ask my sad insides "what's wrong today?" and hear some voice tell me precisely the problem.

But I am realizing this can take days to figure out, if not weeks. To add to this, God does not seem to reveal these when I am doing much of nothing, but rather at the oddest moments, when Im in the middle of doing much of everything.

But I will confess,

last night, I literally sat in my bed, crossed my arms, glared up at God and said, "I am not sleeping until you free me from this horrible mood!"

I do not believe I really experienced FREEDOM that night, but I did experience sleep...

(Im not sure if that reveals a lack of stubbornness on my side, or I just missed the mark on my goal completely...)

However, it came to me, today as I was simultaneously filling up glasses of waters with lemon and cokes with light ice and kids chocolate milks, that I needed to forgive the people and the situations in my life.

NEED.

not SHOULD

or COULD

but need.

But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Matthew 6:15)

And so I did. Balancing rolls and drinks and shoving straws into my apron that needs to be cleaned, I chose to forgive.

Despite my attempts of boycotting my way into God's freedom...

This heavy sighing girl finally handed over her burden.

Cream Cheese-filled Cookies:

These cookies are quite tasty. After I posted, I decided to make these.

I also felt extra nice, and allowed my kitty to hang out with me as I baked these. This seemed like a marvelous idea... until I opened the oven...

In the corner of my eye, I noticed Honey running towards the oven in genuine curiosity. My first reaction was to yell at her to stay back...which I did... but then I realized... she can't hear me. Thus I panicked. How to warn a cat who can't hear the warning!?!?!

Thus, I clearly did the most logical thing I could think of:

Instantaneously throw the hot cookie sheet that I held in my hand up into the air

watch it bounce off of my arm

splattering half baked sugar cookies everywhere

and save the kitty from the oven.

So here I sit, feeding myself left over chocolate drizzle and watching this burn on my arm turn different shades of red.

I would call myself a hero, but in hindsight, I believe cats are smart enough to not jump into a hot oven.

Opposed to their owners, who are apparently not smart enough to avoid burning themselves with the oven...

So now I just feel silly.

Another yet example, on how much I love my cat.

This has to be Love

Life really has a way of swirling around us, giving and taking, slowly yet quickly changing. There is this super popular song... which I fail to remember the name... but one of the lyrics says "You give and take away, but I will choose to say, blessed be your name" (Hmm, maybe its called "Blessed Be your Name"....) That line always stuck out. It really make me feel so... mortal...

A complete shift of thoughts (due to sleepiness I am sure)

Look at this little kitties face! I don't care if you hate cats!

Her name is Honey. My mom scooped her off her ex-boyfriend's farm, to later discover she is deaf. I made sure to make my mom into a hero, to save a vulnerable animal. It worked. :)

I love her, quite a lot. I believe God gave me this kitty to help soften this heart of mine. She is cute, and so cuddly, and can make me laugh and say silly things like "your cute cute cute cute!" into her ears as she's sleeping... obliviously... because she can't hear a THING.

But because she's deaf, she has no idea just how loud her meow really is. So there are those moments, when I will find her quite literally howling in the kitchen, deciding that this is the best way to have her humans come find her. She will continue to do this until she sees you, and at this point she resorts to purring and barking and meowing simultaneously as she runs over with her make-up-brush in her mouth.

I mean, this has to be love. How else would I be able to put up with her obsession with trying to hide her food when she has left overs? Or how she loves to play with her toys ON my bed around 5 o'clock in the morning? All the times I have to scoop her our of the toilet bowl, or freaking out when I heard her cry at the vet's office? goodness. I'm pathetic...

My main concern however, is that she is pregnant. I doubt she is spayed, and I have her appointment in about two weeks from now... and I am waiting for her to go into heat... otherwise... my little kitty will become a family of little kitties...

Alas, my blog. I have been slacking lately. Just needed a little inspiration. I promise to not only write about Honey.....