I have this project before me. Autobiography of my life, pertaining to 12 specific questions. I have full creative control, any format I prefer, and it is painful.
Its this stupid voice in my head, whispering "you are a writer..." Instead of rising to this challenge, and trying the title on for size, I squirm and wiggle my way out of it and wave this off with hands that say "not today. maybe some day. but not today"
the best part of my entire narrative so far, is the part about my birth:
"My mother explains that I was her worst labor, but her best
baby out of six children. The doctors said I was false labor, gave my mother
some sleeping pills, and sent her on her merry way. A few hours later, my
mother came crawling back in the thick, slushy, cold November snow, trying her
best to manage the pain through her drugged up grogginess. From the moment I
was born, I was determined to defy the expectations of those around me."
People told me "You will be a great artists!"
I set my paint brushes aside.
People explain "You're not college material"
I sign up for college classes.
"You can not sing"
I take voice lessons.
"You write really bad essays... and your spelling sucks"
I become an English Major.
"Your dad died. You will be very sad"
I get angry. very angry.
Now I am scared, by people telling me I am a writer, I will shrug my shoulders and become a plumber, or a lumberjack.
I just don't know how to do this. I do not know how to write my autobiography. It would take too long. What do I focus on? Do I reminisce of the days of my youth, back when peeing your pants from laughter was a normal occurrence and all my days were spent in fun and games? Do I focus on my father, and how that shaped my life? Or do I speak about my angry highschool years, where i lost friends, gained friends, and lost them all over again? Do I include the parade of dysfunctional men, who all did their best to make themselves fit within my world? How do I fit my trips to Mexico between all of these, and summarize my college years that went from art major, to photography, to education, to land eventually as an English Major?
I'm not quite sure. The more I try to puzzle apart, and puzzle together my life, the more I am frustrated with it. It is too messy, and all of my first hand experiences are too personal.
Anyway.
I have three more days to wrestle with this thing.
