Bob the Builder Little Mr. Fix-It-Alls

It is one of those weeks, where I feel like Dani needs to be locked up until her PMS is over. Before I explode over everyone and make everyone feel like crap. Lets view this, as damage control!

By the way,I can not believe next week is Thanksgiving. That is crazy! What is crazier still, is all that I have to get done before this year ends. Yea.

I've noticed, that as Christians, we so often romp around this world as little Bob the Builder Mr. Fix-its. Sometimes we make struggling people into projects, or shower people with a soap-box versions of our own stories and journeys, and most of the time we think we totally understand what another is feeling and going through "Because one time, I went through this... and I felt like this.... and this helped me see this... and thats what you need to do!"


I sincerely believe that the intentions are pure. I know mine have been. And I know other's have been as well.


But I don't think we are Bob the Builder little Mr. Fix-it-alls, that's 100% completely and totally God's job.
People are not our projects.
Most do not want to hear a sermon when sharing their heart
... and we do not always understand what they are feeling,
but for the times that we do, I believe God places those as tools, not moments to talk about ourselves.


"Healing begins when we hold tightly to the truth of God and allow the truth of God to hold tightly to us. God gives each of us the freedom to accept or reject His way. When we lean into His truth, we are less likely to conform to the world. His truth, His Word can be the light for each step we take. It illuminates the path that leads to His heart. God’s Word transforms. The apostle Paul said, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2a)"
-Gwen Smith


Ok, so I read Job 1-2 today for my awesome new "Read the Bible in a Year" plan. The other night, I was talking to a dearly beloved soul in this world (impressive title, I may add), and talked about two different kinds of struggles. 


- The struggles that are brought upon ourselves with sin, our own choices. Stuff we need to repent of, and actively change in our lives. 
- Struggles that are not that concrete. Things that were not brought into your life due to a consequence of a decision: like my dad's death of ALS (a genetic disorder), or deep struggles of the heart.


And so in Job, I saw the later taking play. Job did nothing to earn his struggles, but rather he was enduring tests.
Made me wonder, what areas in our lives are test ordained and permission by God? 
This is how Job responded to the tests:

 “Naked I come from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away’ may the name of the Lord be praised” - Job 1:20-21

"Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” - Job 2:10

Pretty much. God gives us trouble as well as good times. He gives and He takes away. And that's that.

I feel like I am peppering this with quotes and such. But I feel as if I have been peppered with them myself. So peppered it is.

I'll leave you with this final quote, so I can go and try to feed myself and accomplish great things in the land of homework and productivity! 

 “We live with accusations, sometimes heavy expectations that tell us we can never measure up. And yet You repeat with mercy that in Your eyes we are worthy, ‘til at last we see how much we’re loved.” -The song, "Broken into Beautiful" by Gwen Smith 

Amiss

Sometimes I hate feeling like I know something without really knowing something. Its weird. I go through my day, rather normally, and slowly this feeling creeps its way inside of me, and slowly I become aware that something, somewhere is amiss.

It is annoying. Because days later, or hours later, I find out what it is.

That is why I hate feeling as if I know something... without really knowing something.

The After Taste of Birthday Cake

I sincerely love this verse. I am half tempted to grab this verse and post it everywhere.

ACTUALLY! I tried this. Turns out nothing sticks to my car's dashboard. This is either due to dust, or my car as an allergic reaction to God's Word. I'm choosing to stick to the dust theory....

This past weekend is sadly over. 

I did not work Saturday or Sunday.

had my family birthday party.

I went to TWO weddings in ONE day.

My friend Joy was one of the most radiant brides I've ever scene. I am pretty sure her face hurt from all the smiling. I walked away from her wedding just in awe of her love for God, their love for God, and just how that shown through. 

My boyfriend's friend's wedding was a blast too. Now that was a celebration. I'm a proud girlfriend of a dance king (of sorts), and I discovered a new side to myself:

I'm that bully of a woman who snatches the bouquet from happy little girls...

OK, we BOTH caught the bouquet at the same time. 

The only difference, is that instead of looking at it with big excited eyes

I grabbed it.

I am not desperate.

I'm not.

I'm just  developing this underdeveloped competitive side to Dani...

and it's causing me to do crazy things.

Like run a 10k....

and telling my 6 foot 5 inch boyfriend I will beat him...

I believe weddings cause you to reflect on either your own wedding, your own marriage, or your own relationships. 

And that's exactly what I am doing as I sit here at my kitchen table, with the after taste of my birthday cake still in my mouth, and just amazed on how much BIGGER God is then.... well... everything. 

And how small we make Him.

Especially in relationships, where so often it becomes all about ourselves. Naturally we want to judge the other person based on:

"How do "I" feel loved?"

"What do they do for me?"

"Do they know ME?"

So, ok, here goes the reality check: This is really not all about me.

It's all about Him.

(and him)

But mostly Him.

THIS is why I LOVE Isaiah 43:18-19

Forget the past. Stop looking behind, and trying to put the puzzle pieces of old stories and old lives together into a cohesive whole. Look ahead, and see what God is doing. 

Despite the barren, dull, wasted, desolate, empty, wild, abandoned, and forsaken areas of our lives. 

Because see? He is doing a new thing!

And that is flipping exciting! 

I wasn't this Big Monster Running Around, Spilling Bitterness into Everyone's Coffee Cups.

I stumbled across my old blog the other day. Anyone remember xanga? The place where teenagers poured out their hearts to this unprepared world? Yes. Xanga.


At first it became a goofy scavenger hunt, where I tried to find little things I could laugh at. Stories about Reed when he was little, moments I recorded with friends. But walking down the roads of your past should come with much brighter warning labels. 


Because, I recognized this girl. 


I was reading about a girl, who was going through some hard times, who slapped on the "I'm fine" face and marched through this world like it owed me something.


I had no idea, that the worse was yet to come. And the pain was yet to double.


Because choices, have consequences. Good and bad.


But despite my harsh criticism of the old Dani, 
I'm still Dani. 
New or old. 
It MAY be possible that  my inner world is a little eccentric, and that it fools myself to believe that what I think, feel and believe is of utmost importance.


I tend to hold the trivial things too tightly, and the heavy matters too loosely.


Honestly however, I relate to that silly girl. Sometimes I get rather tired of dividing my life up into "Old Dani" and "New Dani", as if my life consisted of some Great Berlin Wall that has been "officially broken down" I find myself getting defensive of her, not necessarily trying to defend what she did or say, but to make everyone know that I wasn't this big monster running around, spilling bitterness into everyone's coffee cups. 


It is as if I go back into the pages of time, and want to grab that younger woman and tell her "it's ok. You ARE lovable... your just being a butt head right now, but your worth it. Just get real with yourself"


So when I read this recently in my devotions, it really has stuck with me; as a huge, loving reminder from God:


"We construct walls over which no one can climb because the cost of friendship is too high. We fill the windows of our soul with emotional excuses in order to avoid dealing with pain. The result is darkness, loneliness and missed opportunities for restoration. We don’t want to understand depression or find the treasures of that darkness; we simply want to be rid of it. Many people try to understand and deal with depression on a surface level – refusing to face painful experiences, difficult relationships and, in general, the broken places where darkness lives. We look for the nearest exit, hoping to bypass transparency because the price is just too much to pay. Emotional integrity is an essential step to recognizing, understanding and dealing with depression. We must be real before we can be right, and until we are willing to risk being transparent, we can neither understand nor effectively deal with depression during the holidays or any other time of the year."  - Mary Southerland   


It reminds me so very much of my journey. It is not where I am, but it is where I have been. 


So ok, MAYBE there was a huge wall that was crumbled over, by the sheer power of God. And ok, POSSIBLY God can use the testimony of "Dani the Dramatic One" for His glory somehow. (I feel like I am laying the melodrama on real thick today by the way) 


I suppose in a very strange way, my whole point in all of this, was to say: 
I'm still kind of a stubborn, feisty, eccentric, smiley, butt head ya know.