Well! I am back in the states. I have been for almost a week now. It feels good to be home, in many ways.
I have postponed writing about Mexico for a reason.... I am confused as to what to write about. What should I really say? Should I talk about the kids, and what we did? Do I talk about how I felt, and the struggles I faced? Or ride the wave of any new current rant I may have?
Thus, my conclusion! I shall do it all! With pictures!
So, as the picture above shows, there are quite a bit of kids in this orphanage.
They all range from the ages 6-12, and about half of the kids there I recognized from two years ago. I helped with the daily life of these children, braided little girls hair for school, made sure they cleaned up after dinner, supervise outside, you know. Daily life. For three weeks.
On the weekends however, I spent time with my awesome friend Yubi. Her family would take me in s
o graciously, and I had an awesome time laughing and relaxing with her and her family. I am so grateful for their love, generosity, and ability to laugh at the crazy American.
But! it wasn't always... easy. My spanish is, and was, horrible. Yubi spoke fluent English with me, so eventually my exhaustion from trying to understand everyone, and trying to make myself understood, gave through. haha, the picture above is me on the day I was sick from some nasty cold that dislocated my head from reality, while trying to find Bible stories to go with devotional lessons. I blame my sickness, but after the 10th time of me voting for Ruth for every lesson, and getting yelled at for it, did I resign to... well... breathing. (always good to do)
It was truly a blessing to go on this trip, and I am truly blessed for going. But it is not what you may think, and I realize everything I say in this nutshell version may paint this picture of "Good Danielle, being all missionary like to all these orphans". Trust me, I understand the brownie points I win by doing this.
But lets cut the crap, and be honest. If I were to be a "great missionary" then on this trip according to the true standards, I was a really bad one. I was spiritually, and
emotionally, rather messy. (Just ask Yubi, she can testify)
I was constantly battling with myself on this trip, and constantly angry with the fact that I was having that battle. Here I am, traveling to Mexico to help, and I was/am in to deep in my own muck to do a good job. I had a very long list of things I could have done better, ways I wish I was different. I just wasn't getting it. I kept asking, "Why am I here God? This isn't making sense to me"
Thank God for His master plan, Thank God for his grace and mercy, patience, and wisdom.
I left for that trip, prepared and ready to rescue the abused and forgotten.
I returned from the trip, rescued, by the abused and forgotten.
All the nights I cried because I felt like I wasn't home...
...God revealed to me that I am home, this is my family. The no matter where I go, I am home with Him.
I realized that when I look into the faces of these foreign people, I am actually looking into a mirror.
And I realized, that in order to live a life that flowed with God's love, mercy and compassion, I have to acknowledge the grace and mercy I desperately need, and receive, in my own life.
With all this said, I am basically saying: Life is not what you think. Life is broken, everywhere I look I see brokenness. Half the time I feel broken, and if I don't, well, I am probably deceived.
Just, never give up uncovering the truth. Don't be too scared to feel the pain, and too prideful to hide it from God. Take your dreams, your passions, and your fears, loneliness, pain, whichever it is, and surrender it all.
For only then, I have learned, is there freedom.
And I will end this with a crazy picture of my favorite Yubi in the whole wide world! Thank you Yubi for being there, for listening, and showing me God's love. Even though you do take forever grocery shopping, and your probably the most stubborn, sarcastic girl I know, I love ya! and miss you!
So yes. I'm Home.
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