But I noticed, that whenever I watch a show, and the suspension and drama becomes too much, I pause it. Every time. I pause it.
And the time I spend during this paused moment varies... sometimes I choose that time to get a drink, eat something unhealthy, or just freak out in my own way (that too varies. ha.)
However every time, when I am ready, I always end up in front of the screen again. I sit there preparing myself to handle the drama, and click un-pause. Silly? yes. True? very.
Now this is where something cliche like, "I wish life had a pause button" is expected. but... no.
Because... I am in pause. I feel as if everything has built up, sometimes slowly, sometimes rapidly, to this dramatic climax. The build up was so up and down and gradual, the climax seemingly came out of nowhere. And just before I could truly feel everything and get hit with what's unraveling, I slammed pause.
And what I do in this pause varies. Sometimes I go to school, other times I go to work. I eat, a lot. I try to function as if that pause button was never pushed. Act as if it doesn't matter to find out what happens next... pretending I already know and just live with a freak out (in my own way) now and then.
I'm just not ready. I know this drama is 90% self created... but I'm just not ready. Is that so wrong? And how in the hell do you get ready?
... and after my dad died... did I ever click un-pause?
Or is this just how Dani does what she does... seemingly oh-so-well?
No need to answer those questions. I must go now, and do my various things.
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