I don't have to be such a Goober

Today my manager at work asked me, "So whatsup?"

I replied with a defeated expression on my face, "Well, today I realized, that most of the time when I debate or argue I'm not always right, and that I'm generally too blinded or prideful to admit it... and that it's not about winning."  

She then decides this was a good time to give me a high five and pat me on the back and say, "Your growing up!"

Oh lovely.

I feel a little slow in this area, because I faintly recall people in my past pointing out this very thing. They would say, "it doesn't matter who's right" and "This isn't about winning"  It is also a good chance that their exasperated facial expressions were a sign of....well... exasperation. 

But I do vividly recall not listening to these things, and continue to organize who was right, and who was wrong. I would frantically and energetically claim my rights and wrongs like the end of some card game counting up the points so we can all apologize appropriately. 

For some crazy reason... 

people didn't seem to enjoy 

this version of "reconciliation".

So what changed? 

Well, I first blame God for opening my eyes to something I have been so blind to. And second, I thank Him as I marvel over how He has brought this someone into my life, who seems to naturally provide these learning moments. 

...and may God grant him the patience to endure my lessons...

When harsh words could have been thrown back into my face, or just a simple volume change would have revealed my ridiculousness, it was with held. 

Instead, I had to find out on my own... that two people can have two very valid points that don't exactly match up perfectly, and that I don't have to be such a goober about it. 

Realizing, that whenever I react strongly against something, it may mean I need to let go of something my firm grip has on lock down.

And also realize that underlining books at the age of 19, and later having your boyfriend read them, can come back and bite you in the butt. :)

I'm just going through a, "Wow I'm a pain" night, and I'm really exhausted by it. About an hour ago it all hit me like a train, and I turned into a zombie who inhaled an entire bag of popcorn, fed a couple hungry cats, and stared at her school planner and realized her lazy butt accomplished nothing on her list. My solution of course is it sit on my office floor (I have yet to use my actual desk...) and... do this.

I wish I had time to bake right now. That's all.

And a hug before bed. I guess I'll just go hug a cat, I have a couple to choose from.

Here goes another week.