"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." -- Redd Foxx

So today I explained a theoretical psychological reason why girls dress like sluts, and why boys act like jerks.... just to prove that people are way more complicated then their stereotype. Lets all remember this!

So today was gorgeous. I sat there inside the house, looking out the window, and told Reed "its amazing outside" and then with he perks up and says "Lets do something outside!"

I choose the trampoline. I did not feel like throwing balls, or kicking balls, or hitting balls, or trying to catch balls. But jumping? I can do that.

Until Reed challenged me to bounce off my stomach. {1} I guess after watching me show him how to bounce off your back, he was a little excited to realize I thoroughly suck at something.

I have this fear, of heading straight down to... well... anything. I can not dive. I can not roll over a bar, and definitely can not go head first into a tramp... even if its just to bounce off my stomach.

I do appreciate his pep talk however. "Danielle! It is time to face your fears!" or the "Its just a trampoline! Keep your head up!" and my favorite "That was a good try Danielle! Now you just have to fix your legs from going... everywhere"

I mean, I couldn't help but feel as if his uncontrollable laughter was at my expense though. I guess it is funny to watch a grown women scream and kick her legs everywhere as she tries to bounce off her stomach. {2}

And does anybody remember butt wars? "1, 2, 3, 4 I declare a butt war! 5, 6, 7, 8 this is how we demonstrate!"

Yeah.

Those are not easy.

I think I have a new work out routine, its called: beat Christy in a Butt War.

So I can be Butt War Champion!!!

I know... mature right?

{1} which by the way, he can do. Perfectly.

{2} truly, it was as ridiculous as it sounds.

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. - Dave Barry

Discovered today- I love the library. They are so thoughtful. They set up these little desk's with little lights next to pretty windows in little quiet spots where you can do your not so little pile of homework and not have to worry about a little brother asking you silly little questions. Kind of sad they close at 8:00 though. I think I would love them even more if they were open until.... 10:00. I think my productivity would sky rocket... same could not be said about my social life however. But who need's one of those when you have a library!?!?!?! {1}

Todays rant and revelation: People intimidate me.

They always have. Especially when I was little. I remember being six, and sitting on someone's lap hearing my mom ask, "So you and Danielle talking??" and they would laugh and say, "Oh you know, the usual. Ask a question, and she answers with a word or two."

But seriously, how many times do you have to ask me the flavor of my thumb? I seriously remember being six with my thumb in my mouth, staring up at some large lady laughing and saying "WHATS THE FLAVOR? CHOCOLATE? STRAWBERRY? VANILLA?" and I just say chocolate hoping they will stop laughing at me, and wondering why an adult is asking me the flavor of my thumb. {2}

I also remember church as an awkward teenager. I went to a huge church,I went to one of those "cool" youth groups. I did not have a group of friends at church, and I was horrible at making friends in large groups, so I had a routine.

Stand there, and look like your not awkward.

This requires a slight smile on your face and relaxed body posture.

Next, move a little.

Like don't stand there by the pool tables for too long, or sit by yourself in a row of chairs for too long either.

Go to the bathroom, or pretend you really need to buy a pack of gum with money you dont have {3}

Best plan however, is just to volunteer in the nursery once and a while so you can skip the whole "cool youth group" scene all together and keep crying one year olds from... well crying. They loved my talking puppets, and teachers loved my ability to keep the clingy ones off of them and onto me. I think I just understood how they felt, is all. I'd probably be the same way.

Over time however, I learned that when someone does take pity on you, and start talking, hold eye contact. Otherwise you just seem shifty. It was not until I was 16 did I learn how to talk to boys without making a fool out of myself {4}. And my friend Amber can testify to this. I guess the simple act of saying hi to a cute boy was enough to send me to the bathroom.

I got a job though. I learned that managers love hiring me, and the few people who manage to become unintimidating learn how to put up with me and all of my quirks, and I get the honor to put up with theirs. Good times :)

No worries though, after 22 years of being me I have learned how to act as if I am not intimidated by everyone I do not know. I mean, I am a waitress, my job is completely based on the mere fact that people aren't creeped out or annoyed with my presence at their meals. I would hope I figured something out by now. :)

In reality however, if we actually lived a life in which our rock was firmly {5}grounded in our faith, that trusted our instincts, believed that we DO have a say in things and its not all up to everyone else around us when it comes to decision making...

....it would be rather intimidating. I'd probably be intimidating. However thats not really a goal of mine...

I'd much rather be the one that the scared ones could come to and somehow realize that everything will be alright. If it takes a couple puppets singing or answering silly questions like if my thumb taste like chocolate or not, I'll do it.

{1} Of course this is sarcasm. and my first foot note ever !

{2} Its really not that I have a bad sense of humor, I promise. I just thought this was a really silly question. We all know my thumb sucking habit was not because my thumb taste great, but because my blanky smelled awesome. That is until my mom threw it away... but that another blog another time.

{3} ....and yes. My old church had/has a gift shop.

{4} well lets be honest, I STILL make a fool of myself. I just now manage it in such a way that its not as painful.

{5} I emphasis firmly, because while I AM rooted in my faith, I feel as if I could do a way better job in living it out. God is the most important thing in my life, but I feel as if I bend like reed in the wind at times. Part of the gig that comes with being human, I'm told.

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

I do not fully understand the complexity and entire reason why racism and prejudice exist. I know the a few reasons, the a few phrases used to either carefully or carelessly summarize the existence. Such as: race is a social construction. Racism exist to elevate or oppress a certain demographic.

Some say it is us noticing the differences between each other, and having a natural prejudice towards our own kind.

I also realize that historically speaking, racism and prejudice kept a lot of things profitable and comfortable for a lot of people. It was a method of power masked by "Good intentions for the sake of the people". And in many ways, this still works today. People fell on one side of the fence, or the other, and the life's opportunities differed greatly depending upon what side you were BORN into. Just pray to God you were a white baby born in America.

To me it seems silly, but despite how silly it all seems to me, it still exist. Despite the mere fact that it is a social construction, this monster still lives and breaths down our necks every day. There is this invisible wall you run into, that no one can see but everyone feels. People walk around pre-stereo-typed based on their skin color every second of the day. You are either fully aware and bitter, fully aware and relinquished, mistakenly ignorant, or completely baffled as to what to think.

Tempting to just end this with a cliche "I will do my best to not do this in my own life" which of course, is fare enough and the truth in it's own right. But I just don't feel like it's enough. And we all know, it probably isn't.

Like I said. I just don't understand it.

My life is my message. -Mohandas Gandhi

I at times, watch shows online. In fact, I have this new habit of watching most shows online. I believe I enjoy the control, of where, when and how.

But I noticed, that whenever I watch a show, and the suspension and drama becomes too much, I pause it. Every time. I pause it.

And the time I spend during this paused moment varies... sometimes I choose that time to get a drink, eat something unhealthy, or just freak out in my own way (that too varies. ha.)

However every time, when I am ready, I always end up in front of the screen again. I sit there preparing myself to handle the drama, and click un-pause. Silly? yes. True? very.

Now this is where something cliche like, "I wish life had a pause button" is expected. but... no.

Because... I am in pause. I feel as if everything has built up, sometimes slowly, sometimes rapidly, to this dramatic climax. The build up was so up and down and gradual, the climax seemingly came out of nowhere. And just before I could truly feel everything and get hit with what's unraveling, I slammed pause.

And what I do in this pause varies. Sometimes I go to school, other times I go to work. I eat, a lot. I try to function as if that pause button was never pushed. Act as if it doesn't matter to find out what happens next... pretending I already know and just live with a freak out (in my own way) now and then.

I'm just not ready. I know this drama is 90% self created... but I'm just not ready. Is that so wrong? And how in the hell do you get ready?

... and after my dad died... did I ever click un-pause?

Or is this just how Dani does what she does... seemingly oh-so-well?

No need to answer those questions. I must go now, and do my various things.

uh.... yeah...

Who gets dumped by their boyfriend... on their boyfriend's birthday?

I guess enough was enough. *sigh* here we go...

The ability to delude yourself may be an important survival tool. ~ Jane Wagner

Most of my life, I pitied those who had allergies. The kind of pity that goes, "Wow that looks really annoying to deal with." followed up by the, "I am glad I don't have allergies."

Just kidding

Turns out you can develop allergies later in life. I suppose now is the later, for I now fully understand the runny nose and itchy eyes. However my attitude still follows, just reversed. "Wow its really annoying to deal with", followed with "I am mad that I have allergies."

However, interesting/boring tidbit: in Mexico, I have a summer allergy that makes me cough non-stop. Thats cool! :-s

Weather is GORGEOUS right now. It is so hard to go to school when it feels like summer outside.

hmm... wish I was interesting tonight. Oh well darlings. Good night everyone! And do not worry about me too much, I hear allergies is far from dramatic. ;) (Though the highlight of my thoughts apparently...)

Never give in and never give up. - Hubert H. Humphrey

Tonight it hit me: I am going to Mexico in three months. It does not feel like three months, because I have so much to accomplish. After this semester is complete, I have one week before my spring semester begins.

Plus, I thought, "Hey, before I go to bed, I will look up information on my professors for the spring!". Yeah... stupid idea.... turns out my Modern English professor has ruined so many student's GPA with her anal grading habits, that my best bet is to work my butt off and hope she likes me...

So needless to say, that time period between June 23-and July 6 called "prepare for Mexico" time, will probably feel like heaven after the previous 2 months of "sell your soul to my class" time.

But it's ok.

I am ready for this.

I am ready for all of it.

Sorta.

well... maybe?

Look out for panicked "OH MY GOSH I AM GOING INSANE" posts in the future, and that will be our answer huh?

Oh gosh, I love life.